Monday, 4 November 2013

10 Questions For Alan Pardew

"This win is for Mike Ashley and all our fans.  Trust me, he is a fan and I’m pleased for the club.  We are all Newcastle fans."  ...Alan Pardew


Would a real fan try to rename St James Park?
Over the last few months Alan Pardew seems to annoy me more and more every time he opens his mouth.  His latest comment to get me completely riled up (made after the Chelsea game) will no doubt have annoyed many other fans as well, and it's printed above.

Mike Ashley is a fan, is he, Alan?  If that's the case, here are a few questions which perhaps you could answer...

1)  Would a real fan trouser the £60 million TV money for himself, or would a real fan spend that £60 million on improving the squad?

2) Would a real fan sacrifice millions of pounds worth of potential advertising revenue by using marketing space at St James Park to promote his own company for free?

Sunday, 20 October 2013

Things More Useful Than Joe Kinnear

Joe Kinnear: A modern day proverbial chocolate fire guard...


Joe Kinnear: The modern day
proverbial chocolate fire guard.
At the close of the transfer window many Newcastle fans were questioning the point of Joe Kinnear's role at the club*, and there were a few tweets doing the rounds on twitter using the hashtag #ThingsMoreUsefulThanJoeKinnear.

* Actually, long before the close of the transfer window fans were questioning the point of Joe Kinnear (and that's the polite way of describing fan reaction).

Some of these tweets brought a chuckle to my face, so I thought I would do a round up of the most amusing tweets (plus a few other examples) in a list of 'Things More Useful Than Joe Kinnear'...

1) #ThingsMoreUsefulThanJoeKinnear Alan Shearer's hairbrush. (@GeordieCulture)

2) #ThingsMoreUsefulThanJoeKinnear The 'g' in lasagne.

3) #ThingsMoreUsefulThanJoeKinnear The 'share this on facebook' button on any adult website.

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Everton V The Toon: Tips Round-Up

"...the inconsistency being shown was disturbing at one point." ...Alan Pardew


Alan Pardew would get few arguments that the inconsistency of Newcastle is disturbing.  He also talked about restoring a bit of pride in the second half, which we did, but it's also worth mentioning the following insightful comment from twitter, "That second half shouldn't fool anyone. That was as much about Everton switching off than any so-called comeback."

My tips followed a similar 'game of two halves' pattern as Monday's match with my Newcastle tips being a total washout and my general football tips making a reasonable overall profit.

This is the breakdown on how my general football tips got on...


General Football Tips:

Tottenham V Chelsea - Over/Under 2.5 Goals:
10 points on Under 2.5 Goals at 1.95 (Stan James) - WIN 20 points

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Everton V Newcastle United (30/09/13)

"If we want to be serious about being in the top ten or look to bigger things, or be a big team in the Premier League, we have to start to take the chances we have." ...Fabricio Coloccini


As you'd expect given our disappointing result against Hull on Saturday, my Newcastle tips were a total washout last week.  My general football tips performed quite well, however, as I correctly predicted QPR to beat Yeovil 1-0 and Swansea to beat Crystal Palace.

Last season the trend was for my general football tips to regularly outperform my Newcastle tips, and things have started off once again in that vein of form.  I don't know whether that means it's therefore wiser to keep your emotions out of your betting choices, or maybe it just means Newcastle are an unpredictable side who often lose the games we should be winning.

I've come to the conclusion that when Newcastle play, a lot depends on which side turns up on the day, and by that I'm not necessarily referring to who Pardew picks in his starting eleven.  We just don't seem to have any consistency, and our performance can vary quite considerably even throughout the ninety minutes.

Despite that unpredictability, however, I'm still going to try to pick out some winning Toon bets.  I'm skipping our League Cup tie against Leeds and instead making a few predictions for our match against Everton on Monday...

Friday, 20 September 2013

Newcastle United V Hull City (21/09/13)

"This season will see the best of Hatem Ben Arfa, more consistency in every game, not just one good game, I want to play every game to a big level." ...Hatem Ben Arfa


Unfortunately from early October due to my circumstances I won't be able to get to any games for a few months.  I'm therefore going to make a final few sets of tips over the coming weeks before then taking a break for a while.

Here are my predictions for Saturday's match against Hull...

ToonTips:

Match Result:
20 points on Newcastle at 1.85 (Bet365)
On paper this looks like a comfortable victory.  However, although Hull lost their first two away matches of the season, those matches were against Chelsea and Man City, so we can't take anything for granted.  Nevertheless if we start with a similar line-up and approach as we had in the Villa game, then we've got to be confident of getting three points.

To Win To Nil:
10 points on Newcastle to win to nil at 3.2 (Coral)
Hull have found goals hard to come by so far this season, with just a single goal in each of their league home games and no goals yet on their travels in the league.

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Aston Villa V Newcastle United (14/09/13)

A round-up of which bookies are offering the best prices for Villa V The Toon.


Here are details of where you can find the best odds for Saturday's game...

Match Betting:

Aston Villa - 2.15 (Bet Victor, Coral)
Draw - 3.4 (Bet Victor, Coral, BetFred, Stan James)
Newcastle - 3.8 (32Red)


The best odds in the First Goalscorer market are as follows...

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Newcastle United V Fulham (31/08/13)

A round-up of which bookies are offering the best prices for The Toon V Fulham match.


It was hard to take many positives from the match against Morecambe, but if you look at things in terms of the bigger picture, then hopefully Mike Ashley must surely now realise how wrong he is if he thinks out current squad is good enough.

I generally don't take much interest in conspiracy theories, but a mate of mine raised the issue (only half-jokingly) that he wouldn't be surprised if Pardew actually picked his team last night specifically with the purpose in mind of opening Mike Ashley's eyes to reality.

If we look back at the Brighton game back in January then as well as the shockingly poor performance that day by our team made up largely of squad players, one of the other consequences of that match was that we subsequently went out and made a few signings.  Hopefully last night's performance will lead to a similar result with Mike Ashley finally realising what every Toon fan has known all summer.

I don't want to come across as too negative because if our first eleven are fit (and in form) then we can put out a strong team potentially capable of putting a good run of results together.  However, if we get another batch of injuries like last season, then last night should have hopefuly made it very clear to Ashley that if he fails to strengthen our squad then he's taking a big gamble again.

Moving onto Saturday's game, it's very hard to tip the Toon with any real confidence at the moment (other than perhaps for another nil nil draw), so once again I'm instead going to round-up the best prices which various bookies are offering on the Toon.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Newcastle United V West Ham United (24/08/13)

A round-up of which bookies are offering the best prices for The Toon V West Ham match.


After the lack of summer signings and the performance away to Man City, it's hard to be overly confident about the forthcoming season.

Of course it's worth keeping things in perspective and remembering that we were playing one of the best three sides in the country away from home, but even allowing for this you have to ask which match Alan Pardew was watching when he remarked in his post match comments that "we gave a decent account of ourselves in the first half".

We're priced as favourites against West Ham, but it's hard to back us with any great deal of confidence, so once again I'm going to avoid making any predictions on the match.

Instead here's a round-up of which bookies are offering the best odds on various betting markets for The Toon V West Ham match...

Match Betting:

Newcastle - 2.3 (William Hill)
Draw - 3.4 (Coral, Bet Victor, SkyBet, Bet365, Totesport, BetFred, Sporting Bet, Paddy Power)
West Ham - 3.5 (Bet Victor)

Thursday, 15 August 2013

Man City V Newcastle United (19/08/13)

A round-up of which bookies are offering the best prices.


We couldn't have been given a tougher opening fixture, and therefore even the biggest optimist would find it hard to confidently tip Newcastle away to Man City.

So instead here's a round-up of which bookies are offering the best odds on various betting markets for The Toon's opening fixture...

Match Betting:

Man City - 1.33 (Coral, Bet Victor, Paddy Power)
Draw - 5.5 (SkyBet, William Hill, Ladbrokes, Bet 365)
Newcastle United - 11.0 (SkyBet)

Thursday, 1 August 2013

A Few Daft Novelty Bets...

How do the bookies rate the chances of the Yeti or aliens being discovered?


As there seems to be very little happening in the transfer market at the moment, I've been amusing myself by checking out some of the more unusual bets available from various bookies.

One which caught my eye is for 'the Yeti to be discovered before 2015' which is currently offered at 10.0 by Paddy Power.  Of course that's a fairly ridiculous bet so the odds of 10.0 might not be very tempting.

If you're therefore looking for a longer priced bet then how about a bet on aliens to be proven to exist?  That's available from Paddy Power at a slightly more generous 26.0, so the bookies apparently reckon that aliens are even less likely than Bigfoot to be discovered.

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Reasons To Be Cheerful...

Miscellaneous Toon Bets For 2013/14


I think it's fair to say that so far this summer hasn't gone the way most of us would have liked, with the appointment of Joe Kinnear and the lack of signings being the two most obvious disappointments.

However, the optimist in me always wants to find reasons to be cheerful and so I've been looking at the odds involving the Toon for the coming season in various betting markets to see if we can take encouragement from the bookies' level of confidence in us.

I have to admit there aren't overwhelming reasons to be confident, but here are a few odds to take slight encouragement from...

1) Top North East Club

Despite Sunderland making several signings, every bookie offering odds on the 'Top North East Club' have us as favourites to finish above Sunderland.  That's SkyBet, William Hill, Paddy Power, Totesport, YouWin, BoyleSports, BetFred and Ladbrokes who all think we'll finish above Sunderland.

If you fancy a bet on Newcastle to be the Top North East Club then the best odds are currently offered by SkyBet who have us priced at 1.8.*

* Please note, SkyBet also include Hull in their 'Top North East Club' market.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Who Will Leave Newcastle First?

Pardew V Kinnear


You can bet on pretty much everything nowadays and Paddy Power were recently offering a market on who will be the first to leave Newcastle United, Alan Pardew or Joe Kinnear?

A recent poll on The Mag suggested that fans think Pardew will leave the club before Kinnear and the bookies seem to agree with the odds as follows:

Alan Pardew - 1.5
Joe Kinnear - 2.5

Joe Kinnear's appointment was initially greeted with silence from Alan Pardew, and when he did eventually comment, he wasn't exactly overwhelming in his support of Kinnear with Pardew declaring himself to be 'open-minded' about the appointment.  Given that Pardew generally toes the party line, that's a pretty damning criticism of Kinnear.

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Maybe Graham Carr should take a look at Plateau United Feeders as we search for our next goal scorer?

With goal difference at stake, it was important to get as many goals as possible...


Police Machine FC only have themselves to blame for missing
out on promotion after such a disappointingly narrow victory.
Slightly off topic here, but this is a story which made me laugh so I thought I would mention it anyway.

In a lower division of the Nigerian Football Federation (NFF) two teams, Plateau United Feeders and Police Machine FC, were battling for promotion and as they were level on points it looked like it could all potentially come down to goal difference.  It was therefore vitally important to approach their final games with an attacking mentality and go looking for goals.

As it turned out both teams managed to get the big victories they were hoping for with the scores as follows:

Friday, 5 July 2013

Premier League Match Bets Featuring The Toon

Newcastle United Versus...


SkyBet are currently offering a variety of Premier League match bets on which of two teams will finish higher in the Premier League next season and The Toon feature in four match bets.

Specifically, SkyBet offer prices for us against Everton, West Brom, the mackems and Southampton.  According to SkyBet, we're favourites against the mackems, West Brom and Southampton and only Everton are regarded as more likely to finish above us in the Premier League next season.

Here are the odds for each of the match bets:

Newcastle V the mackems
Newcastle - 1.4
the mackems - 3.0

Newcastle V Everton:
Newcastle - 2.63
Everton - 1.5

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Month Of The First Premier League Managerial Departure

When will we see the first Premier League managerial casualty?


A couple of days ago I took a look at the 'First Premier League Manager To Leave His Position' betting market and rather worryingly for Alan Pardew he's currently the favourite with all bookies to be the first manager to either get the sack or resign.

A related betting market worth a look is 'Month of the 1st Premier League Managerial Departure' being offered by Stan James.  December 2013 is the favourite to see the first managerial casualty at odds of 2.75, closely followed by November 2013 at 2.88.

If you fancy a longer priced speculative bet then you can get 21.0 on August 2013 or 11.0 on September 2013.  You would expect most managers to last at least a little longer than that, but given the unpredictable and sometimes bizarre behaviour of Mike Ashley*, who knows what strange events the forthcoming season will throw up?

* That's the polite way of wording it!

The full list of odds are as follows:

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

First Premier League Manager To Leave?

The bookies don't rate Alan Pardew's chances of staying in his job...


The internet has unquestionably brought many positive benefits to the world, but it has also brought with it some negatives.  For example, because of the internet, last week while I was enjoying myself on holiday in Magalluf, I was unfortunately still able to discover the depressing news of Joe Kinnear's return to Newcastle.

Joe Kinnear's appointment has led to various theories among fans as to why Mike Ashley would ever consider making such a ludicrous appointment.

Perhaps Ashley appointed Kinnear because of his alleged excellent record as a manager which Joe has been telling everyone about.  It's an excellent CV, and if not for the fact that it's a complete work of fiction then you would possibly be impressed.  So maybe Mike Ashley is the only football fan in the country who isn't aware of Joe Kinnear's problem with differentiating the truth and reality from the fictitious version of history he seems to have dreamt up for himself.

Thursday, 30 May 2013

The Latest Transfer Odds

Transfer Rumours: Who Will Be The Ins and Outs At St. James Park?


We're only a couple of weeks into the close season and already the transfer rumour mill is into full swing with new potential transfers being reported every day.  A lot of the time the stories make no sense at all and you get the impression sometimes that the papers have just plucked a player out of one hat and then plucked a team out of the next hat when coming up with their stories.

I think sometimes a better guide to potential transfers are the odds being offered by the bookies, as obviously bookies have a lot more to lose than newspapers if they get it wrong.

The latest rumour in yesterday's papers was that Monaco are interested in Hatem Ben Arfa and according to SkyBet the current odds on a move for Ben Arfa are as follows:

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

2012/13 Season Round-Up

"No football for three months!"


It's been a season to forget and one with very few positives, but despite the poor standard of football on offer this season, I still found myself yesterday morning thinking, "Ar, no!  No football for three months!"

Obviously the eternal optimist in me wants to hope that next season will be better, but for that to happen changes clearly need to be made.  I've gradually lost patience with Alan Pardew and his constant excuse making as the season has gone on, but I'm not necessarily as desperate to see him go as some fans are.  I just want him to start accepting responsibility when things go wrong.

Managers are susceptible to good and bad form, just like players, but if things are to improve then Pardew needs to recognise his mistakes.  He needs to be more ambitious.  He needs to realise that avoiding relegation isn't a success.  He needs to realise that all clubs suffer from injuries so the time to complain about a lack of depth in the squad is pre-season when you can do something about it, rather than halfway through the season when the damage is already done.

Thursday, 16 May 2013

General Football Tips (19/05/13)

...And Odds For The Toon V Arsenal


So in the end it was Wigan who claimed the third and final relegation spot, and although the mackems would obviously have been our first choice, it's safe to say that few Newcastle fans will be disappointed to see Wigan making the drop.

The end of a season that most Toon fans will want to quickly forget sees us come up against an Arsenal side who need three points to ensure a Champions League spot.

SkyBet have the match priced as follows:

Newcastle - 6.0
Draw - 4.0
Arsenal - 1.53

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Latest Relegation Odds

An Entertaining Side Dish...


I mentioned a few weeks ago that "...misery for Sunderland can never be more than an entertaining side dish compared to the joy of a Toon victory."

That remains true, but now that we've guaranteed our Premier League survival it's nice to be able to relax and enjoy the 'entertaining side dish' of the battle for the final relegation spot.

Ladbrokes currently have the relegation battle priced as follows:

Wigan - 1/25
Sunderland - 14/1
Aston Villa - 25/1